Well, I thought I had abandoned this blog.  When a person is in survival mode it's hard to imagine interacting with the outside world.  I defaulted to my disease and the stresses of life and went into "reserve" mode.  That's just part of the journey of a chronic illness.  I have borrowed a phrase from a friend and call it "cocooning".  She used the phrase to identify a period when she needed to withdraw, refresh and transform.  With a chronic disease like Crohn's it's more dire than that.  It's a time to hunker down and try to preserve yourself.   I am sure you all have had to go there.

For the remainder of 2011, it was a battle to fight the disease, the side effects of trying to find a medication that I would respond to and the long recovery back to functioning health.
On top of that came a job change for my husband, a move across the state and many other life stressors to numerous to mention.  A new life can be exciting, but it is stressful no matter what you do to ease the transition.  (And over and over again, we "crohnies" see on IBD medical websites that we need to work on reducing stress.  Ha!!). So I have been in a looonnngg phase of cocooning. I sure hoped the butterfly would appear and was worth it!!

After the move, I sought a new gastroenterologist.  You would think that would be easy.  But nooooo.  I thought all gastro's treated Crohns.  But after going through a young doctor (who didn't know how to run his practice well), having a bad flare with no medical help,  to totally being rejected by another doctor, I have finally found the right one.  It only took a year and a half and another major flare up.  Aaarrrgghhh!!  (The doctor who rejected me just wanted to throw cortisoids at my problem, wouldn't listen to my 25 years of experience, and he finally said, I can't treat you if you won't follow my advice, i.e. take the drugs and shut up.  He finally said in anger, "well, if you had hepatitis C, I am an expert in that".  (He really said that, I kid you not!).   I left that office with little hope.  I won't even go into the battles of dealing with health insurance on top of all that.

So what's the "pearl" here?  Well, I am more of a realist these days so glad when I even find a pretty piece of polished beach glass.  So here is the beach glass: you can try and surround yourself with support, good people, friends and family but in the end, we are alone with this disease.  Or at least we feel that way.  But no matter how long it takes, please don't give up hope on hope.  Yes, keep believing that "hope is on it's way".  My mother, who was a wonderful person and nurse, said: "Hang in there.  The next medication or treatment or break through is coming".  And she was right.

Now that I am on the mend again, I want to reach out and share, commiserate and encourage my fellow "crohnies" and other IBD sufferers.
I have finally found a doctor who "gets" me.  There's no rolling of the eyes, nor cutting me off in mid sentence, and he actually listens to me.  He has gotten me back on track with recovering from a huge flare up (July through January) and I have hope again.
Hope that I might get stable enough to enjoy life a little.
Hope that I am actually starting to come out of my "brain fog" and can retrieve the knowledge and brain power that I thought was lost to the disease.
Hope that as winter passes and spring is starting to "peek around the corner, that I might have another chance at blossoming too!